A Cokewhore and Potential Mistress

I really think, this isn't funny. Well it's entirely in malay.The last time i was this sad was when my boyfriend cheated on me. I was this freaking sad, angry and frustrated at the same time. It gets to you like a volcano irruption, you feel like shouting your lungs out, throw vulgarities as much as you can. Your heart shattered into million pieces. To top it off, it feels like a dagger making it way to your heart and slit them deeply and continuously. The fact that there's nothing you can do about it, made you feel like u've lost everything, ur life, ur happiness and the one you love. The one you trust upon.

I felt the same. I still remebered the time, when i was at work when this incident happen. I caught him red handed for cheating on me for a 23 yrs old manager. I mean, i won't elaborate furthur cause apparently, it's bad enough he cheats on me and i don't want to publiclly tell the whole world what he did after that. So i went crazy at Centerpoint and called him. Of course i didnt shout that loud, i went to the most desserted toilet and that's where all the flare up started. I was in my deepest tears. I cried so hard. Really hard. That was the last time i cried that hard. And i never want it to happen again. I'm so scared things happen twice.

My heart sunk so deep. I barely breathe. So we went our own ways for about 2 weeks. (before things took a turn)It was hard. I couldn't go back to work, my eyes were very red, i keep on choking to my own saliva and tears and i don't have the energy to do anything. It feels as if you've lost evrything. And ur left with nothing. I almost teared to this video while writing this entry. this has been my biggest fear and sadness of the 19 years i lead. I had fever for 3 days. No joke. I was shivering everyday. But i must thanked so many people who helped me up and try to make me as happy as they can.

If you think i ever forget to mention thank you to you, im stretching this out now. I'll never forget you guys. To those i've already said, im saying it again, cause without you people, im not what i am now.

My ex boyfriend, Muhammad Nazry, My manager, Cynthia , My supervisor, Julie ,Aida ,Ahmad
Fahmy, Ash, Fahrin, Shila ,Lizah ,Zainal ,Nurul ,Lilin ,Hamizah ,Hani ,Ali ,My sister and My mum

I'll never forget you people. Seriosuly this video really made me cry a little. I felt it before, and i hope and pray at this very night i don't want this to happen to me again. Seriosuly i think this isn't funny. Well apparently this video was gotten while blog hopping.

Because i'm bored, let me take you to my life. what i looked like 4 years back. I think i looked like really different. HAHAHA. Before that, beware of the excessive usage of singlish.

This was back when i was in Sec 3 i think. Where being natural is the key. Cannot say natural beauty la, cause not beautiful at all!

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Then, this was during the time i was waiting for my olevels.

Then, got into poly . Year 1 Semester 1. How kental, try try makeup.

Then Semester 2 my hair grow longer. DUH, Obviously la! Hair grow!

Now, know how to put contact lense already,clever already, highlight blonde summore.

Then tangan gatal, go and perm hair. See that picture is freshly permed hair. (2006)

Then got nothing to do, went to staightened my hair. Macam penyek gitu muke!

Yay! 2007 Hari Raya coloured my entire head blonde! Ya! I know the color didn't turn out bright blonde!

Okay i'm done!
Love me and please applaud me for the courage!!

It's sunshine at Bedok. I love the fact that the sun isn't scorching hot like the ones at Malaysia. I'm not being country-cist here. But really, it felt as if the wheather was biting on me. My $123 River-Island Flats evntually cracked opened at the back because the wheather was blazing hot. I know. My fault for bringging that shoe instead of the five-dollars slipper i wear to the Apek Shop across my house everyday.

I think let me reflect bout' myself. It seems that i'm not a friend oriented kinda person. Maybe, i find it difficult for myself to make new friends. Friendster, Facebook, whatever friends making websites has never been my cup of tea. Well then again maybe i'm not used to make friends via the net. :) Hahahah.I get lots of people asking me, "You have friendster?" and i'm like "No i don't like friendster" I could have the world against me cause i know tts the enitre universe addiction. Well then again, that's me, it's just me.

I have been dwelling on the internet for hours, infact since 10am ago, but i hadn't start on any of my projects. I really hate myself for not being able to control the temptations and the negligence for the ones that i shoulp prioritized. Whatever it is, i'm kinda stuck witht the unsoilicted proposal for effective writing. It's getting on me like crazy. I've been spending two straight days worrying over my project. But not doing anything bout it. Kental kan. I'm so dead la.Whatever it is, have you felt that you missed a specail someone(not ur boyfriend) because u think you shared a life together but later everything turned sour. I'm missing him alot but i knows we're not even close physically, emotionally, it's like we're hugging and kissing with parangs on our back. I hate the fact i hate you and at the same time i feel so guilty. Maybe i shall be honest next time and i will be safe.

I don't think it's worth the fight.We used to be really close. It's just that now, you've got a women and i've got a man. So Women, wake up.

EDIT/ AND i just realsied that many of my projects are mainly solo. That means i have to chiong everything by myself. I need to this well. A solid one so that i can rely on this mini mini ICA'S to help me increase my very very low scored GPA :( It's very nice cause Wan wants to help me out with school project! Yippeess! He's so bloody nice. Well, we gotta start on it beofre it's too late. :p

On another note, i know my previous previous entry has lots of spelling and grammar mistakes which i plainly lazy to re-edit. ANW, thanks to all those who spot the mistakes and informing me :)) The only upside for this week is that, i get to meet the boyfriend quite a handful of times. Other then that, im getting tied down with projects. This is insanely bad, cause i don't seem to have the drive to start on any.

(sings)

Malaysia Truly Aaaasiaaaa..

:)

Well well well, i went Johore for a mini shopping trip. I'm very ze lazy to host an entry. But i wana say something really important! Wan knows my boyfriend. Tell me if my life's screwed.

Busy+ Busy = No Update

im very much angry with my internet connection cause apparently its' forever contaminated with virus. Virus attack, virus alert, anti-virus down is not foreign. Nevetheless, had fun at Malaysia. Photos will be up in the next entry. Im currently at my boyfriend's house so i won't be updating that much. :))

Till then a proper entry will have to be delayed.

A picture to start the entry.

So apparently, we went Ministry of Sound on Wednesday night cause it's Shila's Birthday and did some project as well. "Cari name DJ" Hahahhaa. I suppose Lizah will be laughing at this. :)) No furthur explanations. Hehhee.

Met WAN SKUNZ there. Well, perhaps on a clearer note, i co-incidentally met him with his friends at the McDonald. Okay. I wun elaborate furthur. HHAHAHA. If you get what i mean. I'll get sexicted if i do. :p Anyway party hard like always, and i'm pretty impressed with myself that, for the past few trips i hadn't been dancing with any guys. Oh i so didn't know tt i'm capable to do so. The last guy that i had fun dancing and grinding was with Wan Yoshi and we remained friends after that. Eventually he helped me alot with school. After that, Nur Fatin Ajman, somehow lost instrest dancing with guys. HAHAHAH. If i ever did dance with any after that, i can bet with my cute little toes, it wouldnt have been for more then 10 mins :) Trust me.

Anyway, Shila hosted a very very very sweet entry on friends related kinda thing. Unfortunately i'm too tired today. I thought i wanted to do the same thing, but it seems that the eyes are telling me to sleep. And to my friends like Ahmad, and so on especially school friends, you guys can start sms-ing me already. Hp's up again!

Till then Night World!

[Current Mood:

Stressed]

Egos aside.

"When we first met I never felt something so strong.You were like my lover and my best friend.All wrapped in one with a ribbon on it.And all of a sudden you went and left.I didn't know how to follow.It's like a shock that spun me around.And now my heart's dead.I feel so empty and hollow."

Let's see, school has been good. Aparrently my guts are telling me that projects are streaming in like wildfire. From Wednesday onwards, i'm gonna be bored so people out there who are equally bored as i am. PUUHHHHH-LEASEEEE ask me out. Mum, sis and sis's bf are going Malaysia for Holiday and i'm stuck at home. :( What's worse, my boyfriend is caught up witht the current ASEAN SUMMIT, and hence the very long and late hours and ya, no time for me. Adding salt to the wound, my hp is good as nothing. The keypads are non-workable and the only function that's executing properly is the green button on the left on a typical nokia hp. And thus the only people i can call, is the ones that can be found in my missed call, dialled no, and received calls. How sad. Anyone got a spare fone to lend me. I'm like desperate for everything. HAHHAHAA. In addition i'm broke! :)

Thus, i'm in need of alot of help in entertainment aspect. Anyone?

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no fits. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. "

-Yavine, Stardust

[Current Mood:

Tired]

I shall delay the entry on Hey Sugar at Ministry Of Sound cause apparently, Shila hasn't get the pictures upload :) Well, it's the boyfriend 21st Birthday. Amazing how, i get him to dressed up really well for today's big even that i treated him to :) I bought him the Topman shirt and also chose for him the shades from ALDO. I think he look wayyy good. I'm droolingover my own guy. This is very rare. Hhhahaha. Anyway, here are the pictures. I'm really really tired plus bloated to host up a proper entry.

Boyfriend: "You look like a Barbie Doll."

Ouh.. Tts really shwittt. Blush

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So we did minor shopping and major cam-whoring.

And then for his birthday which actually falls on 6th November, i treated him to Royal Plaza at Scotts that cost me a BOMB :) hehs. But it's all worthwhile espacially for someone you love. So this was my treat :)) I'm a Bloody good girlfriend and i so know it. :))

I know this is kinda early, but i'm so happy and at the same time kinda worried cause we're getting engaged in 2-3 years time.insyallah So please wish me all the best cause i'm always finding myself confused every now and then.

/EDIT

Shout out to SUPERMAN : GET WELL SOON.

" You got me stuck in between fantasy and what's real. I need it when i want it and i want it when i don't. I'll tell myself to stop everyday, knowin' that i won't. I've got a problem and i don't know what to do about it. Even if i did, i don't know if i would quit but i doubt it. And it's all because of you."

"What you don't know won't hurt you"- a wisefriend once told me this some time back. And i only realised that what he said was ze thruth. Sometimes, it makes me wonder how you're able to hide it from your girlfriend. I suppose she must be Fing blind to spot signs or perhaps, your wayyy good. I think betrayal is bad and the fact that karma has already taken it's sopt in my love life. That's the fullstop. I don't want another karmadrama to start. And oh just so you know, no one else matters cause you took me to a whole new perception of this thing called LOVE.

On another world, Lizah just messaged me to inform that school starts at 7:00pm today. I shall catch up on the sleep :) How interesting.

[Current Mood:

Tired]
[Current Song: Ku Katakan dengan Indah-Peterpan]

Today morning was perfect. School started pretty alright as well. The wheather was good. The chilly cold atmosphere reminds me as though i was in the states or having an overseas studies at Australia or something along that line. Yeah you get my drift. I guess out of the 5 of us(Me, Shila, Lizah, Zainal and Nurul), Zainal misses us the most i suppose, he couldn't stop disturbing us since 10:00am.

"Ey Shila!! You never cut your hair!!!"

"Ey Fatin!! You look like Fatin!"

Hahahahha.

Ya. Exactly. Well, then again. Hahahaha.

On another depressing note, my October pay is delayed again. Clubbing this wedesday is still on pending status considering the 8:00am school on Thursday morning and the bf bookout from camp at the very same day made me think like 44 times over the plan. But then again, i can here ZOUK calling my name. Probably i shall not give it a pass and what's more, mum has given me the green light to go clubbing! So double doze of YEAH!! Anyway, a part of me still wants to get those body and legs moving to the hits in the club and the other half of me says "stay at home, be good girl." Now tell me how. Wattttt! The last time i went to club i didnt dance with any guys okay! So it's alright i suppose. :)) Alright, i shall conclude the final decesion tommorrow. I miss the boyfriend really bad.

A picture of me to end the entry :) Well at least it makes me feel good.

[Current Mood:

Ecstatic]
[Current Song: Break The Ice- Britney Spears]

It's been more then a week since my last update. And i finally have the strength to host an entry and that's probably due to the excitment in me 'cause, school's starting tommorow. It's been approximately 3 months without school and i've got to say, working hard to get those cold hard cash is somehow not fun at all, only the shopping part is wayyyyy good. Other then that is bleahbleak!

Okay, i feel as if there's so many things to do now but i don't know where to start. I tink i should iron my clothes for school tommorow and then again i think i should pack my school bag, then probably i should just sit down and blog. HAHAHHAA. Tell me i'm fickle in the mind. :))Last 2 days have been realyyy good. Hairil messaged and apologised to me on how he reacted and and and then Wan messaged me. OHMYGODDAMNGOD! I was kinda surprised to be woken up by his message. I miss him like badly la! The first guy in club that makes the most impact on me. Usually i don't really give a damn about guys in clubs except for this one. Okay Boy! Now u make me happy. I don't care if you're reading this, cause i miss you la SUPERMAN!

Boy you make me hot.

[Current Mood:

Okay ]

At last im back. I know, the dying people dying to read my entries. I know!! Don't lie!! HAHAHAHA. Anyway, the Coffee Bean tropical tea latte is kickin in. I foresee myself awake in the next 4 hours and that's the core motivation for today's entry. The rarity of my entries for the past few days is due to the overwhelming number of days that i had to work full-shift. Reason being, I'm saving up for the rainy days. :)))

Dude, i kidd okay! I work to go shopping!

I suppose if i buy TOTO or 4D today, i might strike 1st price. No joke. 3 guys just message me wanting to kenal2(get to know me kinda thing) and what's amazingly shocking is that, all 3 gave the same reason when i asked them where do they get my number from. All 3 replied,

"I found it in my Handphone"

Stupid but true. and yes i don't give a damn to reply. :))

See i told you, i should have gone to the nearest Singapore Pools.

Moving on,

Pictures are from long ago.

Yes! I shall proudly say that the bf is over and done with his 3 months confinement. Well, his now a ...erm...half cop! YAY! Because his POP happens eons ago, i kinda forget what happened on that day. So i suppose that explains the lack of furthur explanations and huhaa in my entry on his POP day. Oh! I remembered something reallyyyyy important, the bf's mum made for me 10 epok-epok :) Exactly, 10 epok epok man! Major sia! HAHAHAHHA.

On a much happier note, i have been working really hard. I mean really hard. Erm, ya shopping hard as well :)) Tommorow's another fullshift. Bythewayyy i miss school so bad, i've been counting down since last week. I hope this semester things will go ezybrezy for me. Insyallah.

Bottom line:

I MISS LIZAH SHILA NURUL ZAINAL LILIN AHMAD AIDA AND EVERYONE ELSE.